Wednesday, February 18, 2009

that's why they call it a 'job'

Today's irritant: Craig's list job postings. This is officially proof that the untended, 'openspace' internet Doesn't Really Work. I get how fabulous and free and unfettered by commercialization Craig's List is. And for selling an old couch or Hollywood Bowl box seats you suddenly can't use, or finding someone to teach you the glockenspeil, it's genuinely a fabulous thing.

For job hunting? This thing blows. Blows giant chunks of half-digested kibble. The relevant definition of 'job'? "A regular remunerative position." I.e., labor for which the worker is compensated with cash U.S. money. Not....this: check it:

I am shooting an ultra low budget horror film project in the coming months and need my hand written script to be typed up in Final Draft. I need a super cool, motivated team member to help me type because I am a very slow typist. Project should only take 1 to 2 sessions in a low-key, professional environment. Not a cash job but credit and meals provided. A great opportunity to work on an independent film with a gung-ho film director. I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Did you notice sentence number four? The one that starts, "Not a cash job..." Are you fucking kidding me? You need your fucking sucky script typed and you're not even willing to pay some poor sap 10 bucks an hour to pick her way through your Kevin Spacey, psycho-killer from Se7en scrawl? Because this is a "great opportunity"? Um...NO. It's not. A "great opportunity" is interning as Steven Soderbergh's on-set assistant while he shoots in Thailand. A "great opportunity" is being Barack Obama's body man. Typing some bottom feeder's crap slasher script is in no way a great opportunity.

I don't care how slow you type, you tool, if you're so effing 'gung-ho' just hunt and peck your way through it while you're watching Adult Swim, asshole. In the amount of time you took posting (even typing!) this stupid ad you could have finished page one.

Then there's this one, in the actual 'jobs' category, like this might actually have something to do with "work" for "money".

We are seeking excellent writers with impressive resumes on IMDb, and who also have connections for getting us in front of the right people. That would definitely get you producer as well as writer credit. These projects are for both TV and feature film, and are both drama and comedy. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM ANYONE WHO THINKS HE/SHE IS A GREAT WRITER, AND CLAIMS THAT THEY HAVE CONNECTIONS, BUT TRULY IS NOT AND DON'T. PLEASE DON'T WASTE OUR TIME! Thank you.

Check out the righteous indignation of those caps, man! Wow. They have clearly been burned, baby, burned, by some devious wannabe writer who took advantage of their...what the fuck is it they're offering again? I have actually NO IDEA what the gig is. What does that "excellent writer" get in return for sharing all their contacts with these these high class individuals? And what writer with ANY IMDb credits in their RIGHT MIND needs these fuckers?!?! IMDb doesn't start listing a writer until he or she actually has something serious in development or pre-production--or frankly, usually, produced. Jesus Christ on the cross, why does an actual WORKING writer need some assface who can't even write a legible ad? With proper grammar and complete sentences and clarity of thought? The mind reels, frankly.

Craig, honey, baby. Love you, love your list. But, please: any way to make "job listings" actually list, real...what's the word?

No comments:

Post a Comment